holy crap!

The Vatican newspaper has declared that Homer Simpson and his family are Catholic. Receiving the gospel, the executive producer of the show said he was in "shock and awe," because the studio has for years tried to make America's No. 1 Nuclear Plant Family "decidedly Presbylutheran." Well, the Simpsons are as Catholic as Rand Paul or Tiger Woods is "Aqua Buddhist." D'oh!

hola, senora

After hearing Mrs. Sharron Angle's keenly observant remark, I can't help but feel a little Hispanic today.

in a nutshell

One message I want to convey in my new book, "Charlie Chan: The Untold Story of the Honorable Detective and His Rendezvous with American History": Whether it's a jazzy tune coming from the lips of a blackface Jew or a yellow lie told by a ventriloquist Swede, the resilient artistic flower has blossomed in spite of as well as because of racism. This undeniable fact, insulting and sobering, has uniquely defined America.